Natural and Logical Consequences
The Difference Between Natural And Logical Consequences
Natural Consequences
The environment provides a consequence without the need for parental intervention. Example: a child breaks a favorite toy by mishandling it. The consequence is an automatic outcome of the child’s actions as long as the parent does not interfere or “fix” the situation. Of course the parent can be sympathetic and use listening skills if appropriate.
Logical Consequences
These are used when the natural consequence is unacceptable (such as a young child being hit by a car due to running into the street) or when there is no natural consequence (such as a child tracking mud on a floor you just cleaned). In these cases, the parent provides a consequence.
The Three R’s of Logical Consequences
- Reasonable
- Respectful
- Related
Action Point
When a child misbehaves, it causes irritation—low level anger. At first, a parent usually gives a verbal warning or instruction. If the child continues to misbehave, the parent’s level of anger rises until the parent takes action. The level of irritation or anger that causes a person act is called the action point. This process is graphed below.
Many parents only take action when anger is at a fairly high level. This usually results in ineffective action. Often this process is characterized by repeated warnings such as “How many times have I told you...” or “I’ve told you ten times...”. One way to become more effective is to take action earlier — to move your action point down to a lower level of anger.
General Guidelines For Setting Limits
Before you act, decide upon what is most important. Set priorities. Decide what you can and cannot live with. You also need to identify those things you can and cannot control. Once you’ve thought about these issues, use the following steps.
- Recognize
the child’s wishes.
- State your limit.
- Focus on one action or behavior at a time.
- Use simple and explicit language.
- Help the child express disappointment.
- Give alternative choices.
- After you have done the above, it is time for ACTION, NOT WORDS.
Be firm and friendly as you do the above. Also keep in mind that you may not need to do every step in a given situation. For example, in a recurring situation you may need only to state your limit, give a choice, then follow through if the child does not comply.
Things to Remember When Setting Limits or Giving Instructions
Use words that are specific and concrete.
Avoid statements that are vague and which do not specify what you want such as: “I want you to be ‘good’”, or “I want you to behave”.
Do be specific and concrete such as: “I want you to walk next to me and look with your eyes, not your fingers.”
Preface limits and instructions with authoritative statements.
Avoid “wishing” and “hoping” such as: “I wish you would take care of your clothes.”
Do state limits as though you really mean them using statements beginning with “I want you to _____”, or “It’s time for you to _____”.
Specify when actions are to be taken.
Avoid open-ended time frames such as: “When you get a chance” or “Some time today.”
Do use words and phrases such as: “now”, “right after dinner”, or “before three o’clock”.
Be authoritative.
Avoid phrasing instructions and limits as questions. These statements imply a choice is available when no choice actually exists such as: “How about turning off the T.V. and coming to dinner?” or “Shall we get ready for bed?”
Do use direct, authoritative statements such as: “It’s time to turn off the TV and come to dinner.”
Give one limit or instruction at a time to children younger than seven.
NEVER precede an instruction or limit with “Let’s” if you have no intention of helping or joining in the activity.
Do limit yourself to two limits or instructions at one time for older children. If you have many things you wish the child to do, make a list.
Give reasons or explanations BEFORE your limits
Avoid explanations that follow limits and instructions because they distract a child’s attention from what you want done to the reason you want it done. Example: “Please pick up your toys; it’s time to go home.”
Do state what you want done last such as: “It’s time to go home; Please pick up your toys.”
Whenever possible, use positive words and phrases to set limits instead of negative words and phrases. Tell the child what to do. Make it clear what act gets approval. A positive direction is less likely to arouse resistance than a negative one. It is constructive rather than limiting and interfering. This also gives children a good social tool to use with their friends. When a child asks, “May I _____?”, if possible, the reply should be, “Yes, just as soon as _____.” Instead of, “No, not until _____.” Avoid, “Would you like to _____?” unless there is a real choice. Here are some examples of how to change negative words and phrases into positive ones.
Negative: “Don’t ride your trike here”
Positive: “Ride the trike on the path.”Negative: “Don’t climb with that stick.”
Positive: “I’ll hold your stick while you climb.”Negative: “Don’t sit on the table.”
Positive: “Throw the ball over here.”Negative: “Don’t put your feet on the table.”
Positive: “Your feet need to be on the floor.”More Examples:
“I want you to use your soft, indoor or quiet voice.” (Be sure you are using an indoor voice!)
Blocks are for building, and balls are for throwing.”
“In here we walk; you may run outside.”
“Look with your eyes and not with your hands.”
“Look with your eyes and not with your hands.”
“The clock shows it is time to _____.”
“Do you need some help?”
Use as few words as possible. Avoid long explanations as they are rarely needed. Most of the child’s “whys” and “why nots” are simply an attempt to avoid the limit. Many of your decisions are arbitrary—there is nothing wrong with this. Do make explanations short when you feel they are needed such as: “I don’t want to be late so we need to leave now.”