Understanding Anger

What Is Anger?

The role of emotions in our lives is to generate action. They do this in two ways: by activating physical responses in the body and by producing a specific type of desire. The stronger the emotion, the stronger the physical response and the desire.

Anger is an emotional response triggered by an interpretation that a threat is or may be present. The physical effect it has is to activate the fight or flight response and prepare the body for action. The desire it generates is to eliminate the source of the threat.

How Anger Is Expressed

When people are angry they can take any of the following actions:

• Violent, destructive and/or harmful actions
• Tantrums
• Hurtful or critical remarks (sarcasm/teasing)
• Sulking/pouting
• Passive aggressive behavior
• Hurtful or destructive fantasies
• Suppression/repression
• Constructive action (usually assertive behavior)

The energy and motivation that is expressed through the various actions listed above can be focused in one or more of the following directions:

• It can be suppressed or repressed.
• It can be directed at an identified external real or imaginary threat.
• It can be turned inward and directed at a real or imagined personal weakness or inadequacy - an identified internal threat.
• It can be displaced externally and directed at someone or something unrelated to the source of the frustration.

Appropriate and Inappropriate Anger

Anger is an appropriate emotional response when a real and rational threat exists. The action it generates is appropriate when that action brings about the reduction or elimination of the threat with the least amount of discomfort or harm to yourself and others.

Anger can be inappropriate in three ways. The first is when anger is felt even though no real threat exists. The second is when anger is felt at a level of intensity too high for the threat that is present. The actions generated by anger are inappropriate when they bring unnecessary pain to yourself or others.

Anger felt when no real threat exists or at an excessively high level is usually the result of irrational or worldly thinking. This can be due to irrational beliefs which are part of a person’s basic belief system or to a temporary reduction in the person’s ability to think in a logical and rational manner. Anger which generates inappropriate actions is usually the result of childhood learning.

Ways to Minimize Inappropriate Anger

Protect your ability to think in a logical and rational manner by applying basic stress management principles:

• Remember that the body is a machine with a limited supply of energy.
  • Develop an early warning system for stress.
  • When stressed, set priorities.
  • When stressed, delay important decisions or seek advise if a decision cannot wait.
• Understand and accept the true nature of anger.
• Minimize distorted thinking and irrational beliefs.
• Develop a positive self image.
• Identify sensations and emotions which have been “taboo”in the past and deal with them more directly.
• Learn to release resentments.
  • Is it worth it?
  • Look at events from the other person’s viewpoint.
  • Take action—remember, anger is simply a message that you are not taking care of a need.
  • Identify and challenge irrational thinking.
  • Identify secondary gains

   

Steps To Take When You Get Angry

• Stop and “cool down.”
• Determine what it is that is making you angry. Three ways to do this is to ask yourself:
  • “Why am I angry?”
  • “What do I want?”
  • “How am I threatened?”
• Check to see if your anger is appropriate. Is there a real threat or are you looking at things as the world would look at them? What are your intentions—the issues of your heart?
• Take positive action—act as you think Christ would act in this situation.

Click here for more on what the Bible says about anger.

Learn to Release Resentments

Resentment is a re-stressing process where a past hurt is recalled and you tell yourself things about that event that make you angry over and over. When you don’t get your way, pay attention to your wrong responses. Instead of eliminating wrong responses, you will blame someone or something else. Remember: if someone acts wrongly, they’re wrong, if you respond wrongly, there are now two wrongs.

Lists of sins from Romans 1:29-31; Galatians 5:19-21; Mark 7:21-23; and 1 Cor 10: greed, depravity, envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice, gossip, slander, God-haters, insolence, arrogance, boasting, disobedience to parents; senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless, sexual immoral, impurity, debauchery, idolatry and witchcraft, hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, drunkenness, orgies, deceit, lewdness, folly, pride, and confusing freedom for license.

The most complete list of the fruit of the Spirit is in Galatians 5:22-23: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (additional descriptions in Ephesians 5:9 and James 3:17).

Five ways to release resentments

• For simple situations ask: Is holding onto this resentment worth the price I pay?
• Examine the situation or event from the other person’s perspective—there may be a good reason for this person’s behavior.
• Identify actions you can take which would improve the situation or satisfy the unmet need that is generating the resentment. Decide which ones you would be ones Christ would take. When you decide what is the right action, make a decision as to when and where you will carry it out.
• Examine your beliefs, expectations, and motivations (your heart) and determine if they are what God would approve.
• Identify secondary gains you may receive from this resentment.

Four Step Plan of Action

• Submit yourself to the Lord.
• Identify Sin.
• Confess Sin.
• Ask for what you need: a change of YOUR response (a change in your heart and mind) along with wisdom and strength to act as Christ would act.

If you want a more extensive treatment of the topic of anger see Anger: Taming the Beast.

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Disclaimer: This site contains general reference information and is not intended as a substitute for consulting with a physician or a psychotherapist.

Copyright © 1999 by Reneau Peurifoy, MA — All Rights Reserved