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The Time Tunnel
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When people respond to the present as if they were in the past, I refer to them as being in the “time tunnel.” Time tunneling is a type of conditioned response that helps explain why people who were raised in troubled homes often find themselves trapped in dysfunctional patterns. Robert is a good example. The physical and verbal abuse from his father, the verbal abuse from his mother, and the threat of being beaten up in school became so deeply embedded a conditioned response that it followed him into his adult life. Whenever he was around anyone who “felt” like his parents, he would react as he had when he was a child. This conditioned response became particularly troublesome at work. Whenever Robert had a meeting with his supervisor, who happened to be abrasive and sometimes unreasonable, he would not speak up or confront the supervisor and he often agreed to things he later regretted. When Robert left meetings with his supervisor, he was often filled with feelings of disgust and self-loathing. What was happening was simple. Whenever he was around his supervisor, the strong conditioning that took place when he was a boy was triggered by the supervisor, who “felt” like Robert’s father. Because his father was dangerous, Robert had learned to keep quiet and avoid conflict. As an adult, Robert confused the past with the present without even knowing it. He was caught in the time tunnel every time he met with his supervisor. Escaping the Time Tunnel Learning the principles for escaping from the time tunnel is simple, although much time and effort usually are required before old patterns fade and are replaced with new ones. The first step in escaping the time tunnel is to identify specific feelings, thoughts, or behaviors that indicate you are experiencing the present as if it were the past and repeating old patterns. Once you have identified these patterns, you will find yourself becoming more and more aware of them. The second step is to reorient yourself to the present whenever you see yourself repeating patterns from the past. A simple way to do this is to:
Robert began to use this approach by identifying meetings with his supervisor as situations that often drew him into the time tunnel. Once he realized that he was reacting to his supervisor as if he were still a little boy in the presence of his angry father, he began using this approach to keep himself in the present. For example, just before going into a meeting with his supervisor, Robert found it valuable to repeat the following statements to himself: “I’m starting to go through the time tunnel. The feelings I’m experiencing are responses from the past. They were appropriate when I was little. Now it’s time to come back to the present. My supervisor is not my father. He is just my supervisor. I am not a helpless little boy trapped at home anymore. I am an adult with lots of skills and abilities. I’m not going to get beaten up. I’m just going to have a routine discussion of job assignments in my unit.”At first, Robert had to repeat these statements several times to himself prior to a meeting with his supervisor, and sometimes during the meeting. As he did this, he found it easier and easier to react to his supervisor in a more adult manner. As Robert became more skilled at staying in the present with his supervisor, he began to notice when he became anxious and fidgety around certain other people when there was no reason to be anxious. He identified these people as being similar to one of his parents in some way and throwing him back into the past. Sometimes it was the person’s voice. Other times it was the person’s appearance or position. Robert also realized that situations where he was criticized often triggered childhood patterns he had developed in response to his critical mother. In his first marriage, he became very angry whenever his wife criticized him. Even simple comments triggered explosive anger. This eventually caused his first wife to leave him. In his second marriage he controlled his anger by swallowing it and remaining calm on the outside. This eventually turned out to be one of the factors behind his gagging problem.
(Excerpted
from the books Anxiety,
Phobias & Panic and |
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E-mail comments to: lrsc@rpeurifoy.com Disclaimer: This site contains general reference information and is not intended as a substitute for consulting with a physician or a psychotherapist. Copyright © 1999 by Reneau Peurifoy, MA — All Rights Reserved |